Herky-Jerky

Last week I posted about my experience in boot camp and how the teacher kicked my trash. This week was no different so I wrote another poem. My bum doesn't hurt as bad but there a certain drill that was so funny and embarrassing to do I just had to write about it. The drill was to imitate jumping over a hurdle, but everyone looked so funny and jerky that I nicknamed the move the "herky-jerky." For those of you who don't know what a "herky" is, it is a cheer leading move that is similar to jumping over a hurdle. It was awful and we had to do it twice. Baaa... I can't even imagine what next week's class will entail.

Herky-Jerky

Don’t feel sad. Don’t feel glum.

Boot camp is here to kick your bum.

Getting my heart rate up

By jogging from side to side in a mini gallop.

Now jump! Jump! Jump! Over that imaginary hurdle.

The sound of the landing could be mistaken for a herd of cattle.

I try to hold your head still

As it is flopping all over. I am not kidding, for real.

I should have tucked in my shirt

Exposing my love handles isn’t my idea of a good flirt.

My cheeks are jiggling like riding in a jet

A feeling I will not soon forget.

Finally we are done and I am homeward bound…

But reminded that during the Herky-Jerky I can only get 6 inches off the ground.

ODE TO THE BUTTCHEEK

Last night my roommates and I went to a bootcamp class at the gym that totally kicked my trash. The things the teacher had us do didn't seem so hard at the time, but "oh me oh my" my body is paying for it today. My bum actually hurts so bad I wrote a poem about it.

ODE TO THE BUTTCHEEK:
My bum is big and out of shape
Yet the gnawing pain I can not escape.
The time has come for me to transform
By lifting my gluteus onto that platform.
The pain. It burns. WHY??
No matter what I do I still want to die.
All I do reminds me of you
When I stand up, bend over or even sit down to take a poo.
Remember when I didn’t know you were there
You would just sit there and flap in the air?
Sometimes you made it hard to fit in my jeans
I got so used to it, it became part of my routine.
Now that time is over
As last nights boot camp was pure torture.